Oh, you beautiful, treacherous crypto scams, how you torment me so! I lie here, staring at my empty wallet, watching my life savings disappear into the digital void, and I whisper sweet nothings to your disappearing act. You see, rug pulls, I have a confession: I am hopelessly, desperately in love with you. Not in the normal way people love things, but in that special masochistic way where I know you'll never love me back, yet I keep throwing money at you anyway. I FOMO into your presales, I ape into your liquidity pools, I diamond hand your worthless tokens like some kind of obsessive-compulsive crypto gambler. And what do you give me in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My portfolio is perpetually red, my bank account cries itself to sleep every night.
But here's the thing, rug pulls - I don't care. I love your deception. I love how you promise moon shots and deliver crater landings, how you create elaborate backstories about revolutionary technology that never materializes. You're like that friend who's always promising to pay you back but somehow never does, yet you keep lending them money anyway because you're a hopeless optimist. I've tried to leave you, rug pulls. I've considered index funds, I've flirted with blue-chip stocks, I've even contemplated the cold embrace of a savings account. But then I remember the rush of seeing my investment double in a day, the thrill of being early to the next big thing, the way you make me feel like a financial genius right before you destroy my dreams.
So here I am, writing this open letter to all the rug pulls in my life. DeFi rugs, NFT rugs, meme coin rugs, yield farming rugs - I love you all equally and irrationally. I will continue to invest in you, defend you on Twitter, rearrange my life around your empty promises, and whisper sweet nothings to you when no one is watching.
Because rug pulls, you complete me. You make my life feel less boring, you add excitement to mundane financial planning, you hide my poor decision-making like the best kind of friend. You're not perfect, but you're perfectly imperfect, and that's exactly what I need.
Forever yours,
A Hopeless Rug Romantic
P.S. - If you're reading this and you've never been rugged, please don't judge me. You don't understand the deep, complex relationship between a person and their disappearing crypto investments. It's a love that transcends logic, reason, and common sense.